Walks Into A bar

Maggie wanted to see people come up with "goes into a bar" jokes involving the election, and I told her it was difficult to come up with such jokes. But in the spirit of challenge, I told her I could do it.

Here, then, is the joke I just wrote. I'm hoping you read it and think it's funny. But most of all I hope you come up with a better one and post it.

McCain, Clinton and Obama walk into a bar and sit down together at a table.

Obama waves the waitress over and says "We should order something."

Clinton says "Only Senator McCain and I have the experience to know what to order."

While Clinton and Obama are arguing, McCain says something to the waitress. She brings him a drink as the bouncer grabs Obama and Clinton and starts hauling them off.

A patron sitting at the bar asks the waitress "What did McCain order?"

She replies, "The usual."

That's my best effort. Please try it yourself. It was harder for me than I thought it would be to make up a joke from scratch.

(P.S. No ending your joke with "The Aristocrats!")

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Huzzah70 said...

LOL! That was actually quite good.

DRock said...

WARNING: I took the low-brow road.

McCain, Clinton and Obama walk into a bar and the bartender roars out laughing.

The three candidates stand perplex and ask the bartender "What's so funny?" and he replies:

"I know this joke, a Muslim a sycophant and an devout Catholic walk into the bar! I get it!"

Of course, the candidates are perplexed and say "Well, how do you know who is who?"

The Bartender says "Well, according to flyers you, Mr. Obama are the Muslim, and by my deductive logic, Mr. McCain, you are the devout Catholic and Mrs. Rodham-Clinton, you are the sycophant."

Mrs. Rodham-Clinton responds "Well, how can you tell?"

And the Bartender says "Well, according to Mr. Clinton you've never been on your knees."


Dr. Momentum said...

Well played... well played. [slow clap]

Kitten Herder said...

I like your original, but I'd like to offer an alternate response from the waitress:

"Slow gin & tonic for here. Steak Tartar and Crabapple Pie, to go."

Julie said...

The difficulty in this is that I either have to make fun of all three of them, or else someone has to be the butt of the joke. And if someone has to be the butt, it should be McCain, so that I'm not acting like Clinton and putting McCain above one of the Democratic candidates.

Sadly, however, we cannot always live up to our lofty ideals. Especially when we're still sore about a couple of recent events. Thus, I offer this, which is at least 97% bitter and contains less than 2% each of humor and other inactive ingredients:

Clinton, Obama, and McCain walk into a sports bar. They talk about the recession (which is totally happening), gas prices, health coverage, and basketball, while ordering round after round of drinks and baskets of fried food.

Eventually, they realize that they've all forgotten their wallets and will have to wash dishes to cover the bill.

Clinton says, "I'm wearing my best yellow suit, and I don't want it to get dirty. How about you guys split my share of the dishes, and in return I'll cosponsor a bill of your choice with each of you."

Obama and McCain agree to this and begin washing dishes while Clinton sips coffee and the bartender mops the floor.

They're almost finished at three o'clock when the phone rings. Obama, McCain, and the bartender all look at Clinton, the only one who's not up to her elbows in greasy water.

"Ahem," Obama says. Clinton pours herself some more coffee and looks at her watch. McCain twitches nervously as the phone continues to ring.

"I thought you liked answering the phone at three in the morning," the bartender finally says sarcastically.

Clinton laughs and says, "No. No. Why would I? No, there is nothing to base that on. As far as I know."

Julie said...

OK, here is the context of that quote, and the quote in its entirety:

"Of course not. I mean, that, you know, there is no basis for that. I take him on the basis of what he says. And, you know, there isn't any reason to doubt that... No. No, there is nothing to base that on. As far as I know."

Dr. Momentum said...

Oh, I got it, Julie.

Nice use of punch line.

In case anyone is interested, I have heard that McCain's actual "drink' is Stoli on the rocks.

However, on those presidential voter info forms he lists his favorite drink as coffee. I think it's a trick question to get you to admit you're an alcoholic.

Julie said...

I was tempted to throw a line in there saying "it's okay for all three of them to go into a bar because none of them are alcoholics." But I thought the joke was unfocused enough as it was. :)