Obama Doomsday Scenario Contest Results

Hey Eggheads and African Americans! Sorry I've been away from the blog for so long. But I've come across an item I think might make you LOL.

The Slate asked posters to enter the "Obama Doomsday Scenario Contest" -- a contest to imgine what kind of event would have to happen for Barack Obama to lose the Democratic Presidential nomination.

I present the winners for your perusal!

3rd place: Hillary appeals to the Supreme Court, which, based upon a 2000 ruling, decides that the candidate with fewer votes wins the election.
—John Kirkbride

2nd place: Hillary Clinton must parachute into Pakistan while under heavy sniper fire, infiltrate al-Qaida using a fake beard, putty nose, and duct tape, and capture Osama Bin Laden, whilst singing the “Star Spangled Banner” with one hand over her heart and an American flag lapel pin prominently shown on her outfit. She must film all of this in HD and create a montage scored to Lee Greenwood's “God Bless the U.S.A.” Meanwhile, Barack Obama must publicly convert to Islam and change his name to Osama Hafez al-Mohammed Hussein Ayatollah Obama, while burning an American flag in the Crystal Cathedral as he replaces the crucifix with a do-it-yourself Piss Christ, while performing an abortion on the exhumed body of Terri Schiavo. He should also be naked. It should then rain frogs. That ought to do it.
—Jason in San Diego

1st place: One of the lesser-known consequences of quantum physics is an event called “quantum tunneling.” Here's how it happens: At a campaign stop in West Virginia, completely out of the blue, the aggregate wave functions of all the particles in Barack Obama's body end up instantaneously transporting him through the entire Earth and leaving him treading water somewhere in the Indian Ocean, or leaving his various particles scattered inside the mantle. The odds of this occurring are such that any macroscopic object tunneling through any barrier is highly unlikely in the lifespan of the universe, but it could occur!
—Michael Blessington

Thought you fellow Eggheads would love the winner!

Enjoy! :)


Dr. Momentum said...

I loved Jon Stewart's solution for Obama, since Hillary fares better with the the non-eggheads and "hardworking Americans."

He has to either get tons of Americans to graduate from college in the next few months, or he needs to convince the Hillary supporters to become lazy and not work so hard.

Then they'll be just like his lazy-ass elite thinkaverse of supporters!

Dr. Momentum said...

Sorry for the interruption -- I just wanted to mention that I had to delete a comment here for spam links.

People of whatever stripe are welcome to post here, but please do not self-promote your books and such.

If you want to buy ad space on this blog, contact one of the moderators.

Thank you.

USpace said...

Ooh, sorry for the big crime of my signature linking to possible commerce, just as long as it wasn't my politics. So called 'progressives' are still for free-speech I believe.

I would dearly love to see a Jewish, African-American woman as POTUS. It's not race or gender that makes it for me though.
It's political beliefs that matter, and socialism is bad for everybody, (accept those high in government or high-level academia)
especially poor people, of all races. Obama is a died-in-the-wool Marxist. No thanks.

His 'Change', 'Hope' and 'Progress' mantras are actually somewhat self-mocking. Making your own Obama posters is totally addicting,
I laughed so hard I almost had a breakdown. LOL!

absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
befriend a bomber

pushing for change at all costs
sacrifices must be made

absurd thought -
God of the Universe says
only feel and hope

please force people to change
change can only be good

Make Some Obama Posters NOW!
Appeasement Talk Bothers Appeasers
Help Halt Terrorism Now!

Dr. Momentum said...

It wasn't your politics. I assumed you're a progressive, since your haiku are parodies of right wing goofiness.

But my recommendation is that you need to get a little bit goofier if you really want to hit home. You're coming across as too reasonable. Check out this whole scarf controversy. They keep raising the bar of right wing absurdity, which means they are making your job as a satirist that much harder.

Keep up the good work, though. Just kick it up a notch.

Smiles, everyone, smiles!